The other

I'm going to just lay this right out there.... it is easier when you marry/date someone from the same background as you. Wow. Nnena Ukuku, the believer in interracial love, just said that. But it is true. I was looking through some photos of a friend of mine. He is Chinese and his girlfriend is and his brother is dating a Chinese girl etc etc etc. And there was an ease in which the families interacted with each other. No everything was not perfect but there wasn't an initial level of battle that he had to go through with his family.

Dhval (Indian) and I were talking at lunch yesterday about interracial dating. I had to ask her... '...so where is your boy friend from?'
'He's Indian. It's just easier you know. And you remember my boy friend from college right...' 'Yeah'
' Well he was only into me because I was Indian and something about that bothered me. And over time I drifted from dating white guys to only Indian guys.'

I understood where she was coming from. I have had guys interested in me only because I was black. They had never 'dated a black girl' or they thought it would be 'cool' to do something they should not do. No thanks, find another black chick for your new experience. I don't enjoy being taboo.

I also understand the 'It's just easier.' aspect of it too. I don't want to fight for the man I love with my family every step of the way. I will if that man was the person God had for me... I would go in guns blazing but there are so many other things to deal with other than that. But understand this if it was the man I was going to be spending the rest of my life with, bring on the fireworks, we will get through it.

But then you have Marianne (Indian), Edna (Latino), Rach (Black) whose families were totally cool with the men they married. Somehow I don't think it would shake out like that for me. I have a feeling it would be more like Rob and his woman... his woman who is Nigerian... his woman who is first generation... get the picture. The families are doing great now but the initial dating... let's just say it was rough.

But why am I worrying about this now when I am pretty single and without attachments. I don't know why. I guess I am going through thoughts about the importance of family. I can not separate myself from family. I don't want to separate myself from family. Plus I want someone who would go out of his way to appreciate where I come from. There are aspects of me that are very American... but at core there is a large part of me that colors the way I think and behave. It is the Nigerian part and I want my children to participate in that part of me and my family. I want them to grow up understanding my language. I want them to grow up eating our foods. I want them to be Nigerian along with whatever their father is.

I guess I now understand where my parents were coming from when they used to always tell us "You are Nigerian. You are Igbo. Don't forget it." Because in forgetting it you are almost denying the struggle your family came from.

I got into a discussion with Sid's girl at Tara and Adam's wedding. Her family survived Nazi Germany. She is Jewish. And we were talking about culture etc. And she said something that I understood. "You know my people died so that we could be Jewish. How can I turn my back on that?'

I get it. I really really get it. I don't think I would be attracted to a man who would not appreciate or understand that I am Nigerian. A man that is not culturally aware does not draw me. That is the other of three reasons (first being Christ and politics) why I would not get involved with the guy who is like my father (Tara's wedding post). This guy is not very culturally aware.

Anyways these are thought rooming through my head while I wait for the rain to stop in DC.

Hum... I don't know where I stand on the issue any more. I guess I have to see what God does.