Much has changed, much has changed.
I am well settled in SF, not with a big firm and starting my own practice. I think I am the most surprised out of anyone that I am doing this. My father predicted this a long time ago. My mother probably dreaded it. But what can I say... it was apparently bound to happen.
Nnenaukuku.com
Now we are still working on the site (hence the blank about me but the filled about you). But this journey feels right and feels natural. It is as if the many different quirks that God built into me were adding up into me practicing law with quirky people (startups). For now, at this moment, this is where I should be... and it feels amazing.
10.26.2010
6.23.2010
Faith my eye
I can't stop believing.
Even if I wanted to, even if I pushed myself, even in the worst times when I feel far away. I can't stop believing.
Where the heck did that thought come from? It has come from the past few years of conversation after conversation with people that have lost the faith or never believed. I can't shake the surety that He is real. That there is a God. No matter how many conversations I get into with atheists I still believe. There is life on this planet, there are patterns in creation that make me believe. There is a push on the inside that says this is true, the same push that let's me see through the BS of people, that confirms one heart to another, that gives that 'other' understanding of the world. Even if I wanted to I could not silence the truth I feel inside of me.
God is real. Though I can not prove Him to others I can't shake the truth of His existence.
God is bigger than us. He is not a mirror of us, we are the mirror of him. Poorly reflecting the light at time, a smaller distortion of Him at times but like Him. However He is not like us. Catch the distinction. There is a difference. He is not like the gods of the Romans and Greeks, a god that is simply a better bigger man. He is more than that. He does not reflect us, we reflect Him.
He is life. No matter what we do to try to create life from scratch we can not do it. We can not create life from nothing, yet He can.
He is timeless. He is outside of time yet can fully play within time. I will never understand that it means that in the beginning he created the heavens and the sky... what was a day to him? I don't know. Was it more than 24 hours was it 24 hours. Were these His words to help us understand the order in which He created the world.
The car ride up to Michelle's wedding inspired some of these thoughts. I rode up to her wedding with a guy who described himself as a spiritual-ish atheist. I looked at him rather oddly as he said this but as the trip went on started to show what this meant. We talked about intelligent design. He was more convincing than me on that topic, heck knowledgeable. We talked briefly about God creating the world... and what did the days means. We had so many good conversations about what is unknown. The best part of the conversations is that they were comfortable and no one felt attacked. It was just a conversation that flowed naturally.
The reality of my world is that I know a lot of people who either have never believed in God or have given up the faith. What does that mean for conversations of faith? More often than not they are not approaching these discussion with an eye towards battle but rather for an honest conversation about faith and doubts and mankind.
I hope to grow from these and help them grow and look at their faith system in an honest light.
Here's to a lifetime of honest conversations.
Even if I wanted to, even if I pushed myself, even in the worst times when I feel far away. I can't stop believing.
Where the heck did that thought come from? It has come from the past few years of conversation after conversation with people that have lost the faith or never believed. I can't shake the surety that He is real. That there is a God. No matter how many conversations I get into with atheists I still believe. There is life on this planet, there are patterns in creation that make me believe. There is a push on the inside that says this is true, the same push that let's me see through the BS of people, that confirms one heart to another, that gives that 'other' understanding of the world. Even if I wanted to I could not silence the truth I feel inside of me.
God is real. Though I can not prove Him to others I can't shake the truth of His existence.
God is bigger than us. He is not a mirror of us, we are the mirror of him. Poorly reflecting the light at time, a smaller distortion of Him at times but like Him. However He is not like us. Catch the distinction. There is a difference. He is not like the gods of the Romans and Greeks, a god that is simply a better bigger man. He is more than that. He does not reflect us, we reflect Him.
He is life. No matter what we do to try to create life from scratch we can not do it. We can not create life from nothing, yet He can.
He is timeless. He is outside of time yet can fully play within time. I will never understand that it means that in the beginning he created the heavens and the sky... what was a day to him? I don't know. Was it more than 24 hours was it 24 hours. Were these His words to help us understand the order in which He created the world.
The car ride up to Michelle's wedding inspired some of these thoughts. I rode up to her wedding with a guy who described himself as a spiritual-ish atheist. I looked at him rather oddly as he said this but as the trip went on started to show what this meant. We talked about intelligent design. He was more convincing than me on that topic, heck knowledgeable. We talked briefly about God creating the world... and what did the days means. We had so many good conversations about what is unknown. The best part of the conversations is that they were comfortable and no one felt attacked. It was just a conversation that flowed naturally.
The reality of my world is that I know a lot of people who either have never believed in God or have given up the faith. What does that mean for conversations of faith? More often than not they are not approaching these discussion with an eye towards battle but rather for an honest conversation about faith and doubts and mankind.
I hope to grow from these and help them grow and look at their faith system in an honest light.
Here's to a lifetime of honest conversations.
4.25.2010
My Tony
One of the loves of my life died a few weeks ago. Yesterday I cried. I cried in freedom while we were driving down Route 1. This past Friday one of my friends came to visit me in SF. Saturday night we went touring around the city and country side and ended up on Route 1.
While driving a song started playing, a worship song and it reminded me of waltzing and something about that song reminded me of tony and worshiping with tony. And it hit me this side of eternity I will never dance with him again. I will never waltz with my tony. I will never harmonize with my tony. My tony has been taken away. And for the first time the tears just rolled and I allowed my self to be angry, angry at god angry at tony, angry at the way it turn out. sad that my friend, my tony that I love so much will never be here again.
Gaw it feels good to cry—to finally feel. I have been so numb for so long. I have wanted to feel I have wanted to grieve and feel and know and be whole. My tony is gone. It’s not fair, it really is not fair and doesn’t seem right.
God why did you take him away? Why did you take away the one person in my life who spoke so clearly into it, who I felt so completely loved by? Selfish, I miss him for selfish reasons but so what? Isn’t that why we miss all people?
I think for me I will heal through writing and song. It’s funny barbara is the reason why I am realizing this. She and I were talking and she talked about healing through painting and drawing. She talked of healing through art. I think and my thoughts become clear as I write, when I sing. That’s how I become clear.
So expect blogs that will be me thinking and healing and growing. I feel as if I should add this, though you know me and know this is the case, God is in it. God is still good. But his will, his will is hard to accept. Was Tony’s death the best thing for him? Yes, without a doubt he is in glory. Was it the best thing for us that are left behind… maybe… yes. And the fight of faith is believing the “Yes” and still grieving the loss. That’s what I am fighting right now, fight to believe the yes of both of those statements.
While driving a song started playing, a worship song and it reminded me of waltzing and something about that song reminded me of tony and worshiping with tony. And it hit me this side of eternity I will never dance with him again. I will never waltz with my tony. I will never harmonize with my tony. My tony has been taken away. And for the first time the tears just rolled and I allowed my self to be angry, angry at god angry at tony, angry at the way it turn out. sad that my friend, my tony that I love so much will never be here again.
Gaw it feels good to cry—to finally feel. I have been so numb for so long. I have wanted to feel I have wanted to grieve and feel and know and be whole. My tony is gone. It’s not fair, it really is not fair and doesn’t seem right.
God why did you take him away? Why did you take away the one person in my life who spoke so clearly into it, who I felt so completely loved by? Selfish, I miss him for selfish reasons but so what? Isn’t that why we miss all people?
I think for me I will heal through writing and song. It’s funny barbara is the reason why I am realizing this. She and I were talking and she talked about healing through painting and drawing. She talked of healing through art. I think and my thoughts become clear as I write, when I sing. That’s how I become clear.
So expect blogs that will be me thinking and healing and growing. I feel as if I should add this, though you know me and know this is the case, God is in it. God is still good. But his will, his will is hard to accept. Was Tony’s death the best thing for him? Yes, without a doubt he is in glory. Was it the best thing for us that are left behind… maybe… yes. And the fight of faith is believing the “Yes” and still grieving the loss. That’s what I am fighting right now, fight to believe the yes of both of those statements.
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