Got a lot of ...

Got a lot of growing to do.

I realized the truth of that statement when I was talking to one of my friends. She was telling me about the childish behavior of a guy she knew. And as she started talking i was mentally going through a checklist.
1. Yup did that
2. Um ouch yeah done that too
3. oh that stings
4. Yup said that petty statement to more than one person.

Sigh. I wonder if I will ever get to a point where I don't do childish things. Or will I spend most of my life rediscovering new areas where I need to grow. I have a feeling that it will be the later more so than the former. I am ok with that as long as I progress.

In other news I have had a wonderful productive week. Productive in the fact that I am recharged and that I have gotten a chance to think and talk with people that have been in the same job predicament as me. Today I met up with an old classmate from my Houston days
and we talked and brainstormed quite a bit. It was good. She was honest and real with me and gave excellent feedback. All in all a good day.

New York
Fabulous. But i think I said that yesterday. :) I rested and did nothing legal, well I networked a little on Thursday... but I mean the opportunity was there I could not let it slip away. :)
I discovered some neat neighborhoods in NYC that were my speed. There was one area that reminded me of San Fran so much. I went inside a coffee bar/restaurant and met a cool person. Read in that statement a beautiful Nigerian man: 6' 2'' slightly lighter than me, playful spirit, etc. We talked for a while. It turns out he was co-owner of the place and I got my drink for free! Yes!
But he also told me of some other places to stomp around.

The areas were awesome. I went to an African Diaspora gallery with some amazing artwork. I will post them to facebook soon. I will warn you, one of the pics is a little graphic, as far as violence, but it makes a strong point. I continued to wander around that area and decided the next time I come to New York I have got to hang out there.

Now I am back in DC for the evening and then I leave for Atlanta tomorrow night.
DC or 'the district' has been better this time around. Heck it was better after last week Saturday. I met my old classmate at a place called busboys and poets. The whole area where it is located is pretty sweet. Something I wish I could see in Atlanta a little bit more are intergrated communities (yes I realize the irony of this statement after railing about DC three posts ago). Both NYC and DC have some areas where the businesses and the people shopping are integrated. U street is neat to me because it reminds me of a mixture of ATL, Decatur, Little five and the AU center. Neat area. You have businessmen to hippies to Rastafarian and everything in between. I like it. But this city is ok. And I like the fact that both here and in New York I am starting to get the subway system down and can help other people find their way around.
Not a bad town at all. I am starting to see some of it's charms.



God stuff.
Um, He is good. Good as in that taste and see that He is good. Good in that way that salt adds taste to life sort of good. Good in I can breath the air and smell things again. Good in that craving Christian community and questioning things sort of good. He is good. What he gave me Tuesday in that conversation with Anslee (Ans) was invaluable and set the pace for my heart. I told Doug and DL in a message that Ans is my soul sister. Soul sister in the way we both view life and in some of our experiences (or lack of them). Plus she and jennifer were at Georgia State with me as I continued to form more thoughts about God.

God redeems constantly at this moment. I can get into a habit of going "He can redeem this because I did such and such in the right way." a very self righteous type of Christianity. Here is the problem of being self righteous... when you fall by your own standards you not only judge yourself harder but you fail to see God's grace. I understand now the danger of "By your own standard of measure..." It is a ridged and unforgiving standard... a standard that does not hold grace, a standard that is impossibly high. I can't quite explain it... let me see what I can find in the Bible to help explain it.

"You have been severed from grace those of you who are seeking to to be justified by the law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit , by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love." Gal 5:4-5

Let me see if I can put this in context with the previous paragraph. Ans made a statement to me

"What I want for you nnena is not someone who does everything perfect but some one who is repentant and continues to follow God." And that is also the type of woman I want to be. Not a woman who through her own strength does everything perfectly but one who is repentant and has a soft heart. One who understands that it is the sheer grace of God that allows her to not do something... and it is the sheer grace of God that redeems the wrong motives and heart. That it is possible for God to set things right even though I can't. Oh it is so good and freeing.

Anyways I need to go fax some stuff out and get back to the house in enough time to unwind and think and pray and dream. I got some thinking to do and I am excited. Oh so excited.