Tired and wanting to run away and a general whine of sorts

Disclaimer:
I am tired. So everything you read is a combination of several long months. Read at your own risk.

I really need to recharge and that still has not happened.

Today was a good day. A great day as a matter of fact. I had lunch with two people from one of the firms I had interviewed at last fall. I enjoyed them, I throughly enjoyed them. Plus I was given good advice, encouragement and a real helping hand. C and X were awesome! At the end of the day C encouraged me to stop and take a break and rest.

As she was telling me that I could feel the tears starting to well up. I need to rest. I really do. I want to rest. Every time I intend on resting something else comes up. I am tired of going. She sat there and recited for me everything that I have been doing for the past few years... and I had to agree with her...there really has not been much of a break. Yesterday I had a meeting with some other contacts and I was not up to my usual game. I was very aware of them and what they were thinking but I was too tired to push and get deeper. I came back home after meeting them and crashed. I was worn out...

So as I write this I am trying to find time to rest and recharge. Not job hunt, not take care of things at home, not chase after people in L but to really rest. My idea of a vacation is to be somewhere new but not HAVE to do anything. Not feel required to be something or do something. I am tired of being something, so very tired. And yes I am whining but if I hear another person tell me to my face about how much they are doing and acting like I am just sitting on my butt and try to guilt me into doing something they want me to do I will punch them in their face. Sorry I am feeling tired and violent.

That was the thing with C. She just stated i need rest and did not try to force her agenda into my time.

So nnena is not doing so well... and it doesn't help that my car was involved in an accident today. The sister is ok and it was not her fault... but it is just one more thing on the pile to take care of. i need a break. a real break.

ok i am starting to get sick of hearing myself whine. :)
Let's go do something about it!
Done!

P.S.
one thing this summer and year has taught me is the importance of having older women in your life. I can honestly say that the additions of C and Dell and Letoyia have been invaluable. I love my mother... and recently we have been getting closer and closer. I need her but I also need an older sister, Letoyia. And other older women cheering for me in my corner. Even though I just spent a chunk of time whining I have to say this. Between my mother, Letoyia, Dell I would be a bigger mess. Without C this afternoon I would not have been reminded again that
I need to recharge to be on the top of my game... I love the women that God is putting in my life. One day I want to give them back as much as they have given me.

So I am off to go get ice cream at my favorite place in SF. Um... bi rite... yum. And then go to bed and sleep. Maybe cry a little I think today is a good day to do that.

love you all. thanks for hanging on till the end
nen