Just when...

Just when you have moved past not forgiving someone they have to do it again... Well I was angry, ticked, irritated and then God got a hold of me. Come on now... I just wanted to be good and angry. :) But here is where I stand. I have lost a respect for this person. And he is not who I thought he was. I guess I had blown up in my mind this ideal, this person that was so much greater than the man he actually is. And I guess I am more disappointed that I was wrong. Where is my discernment? Lacking apparently. And maybe this is still anger speaking... but I know that if he ever says he will do something I will not believe him because he is not to be trusted. Period.


And again I might still be a little angry... ok probably am but I think that fact still remains. He is not the person I thought he was... tomorrow morning I will probably second guess this post... naw I won't second guess it. I just feel like a fool. I was a fool. I wonder what else I was wrong about with this person.Where else was he not what I thought he was. Was I really that stupid?
Maybe. But I need to got bed now.

Unfortunately this is coloring my view of DC as well. The city is... also not what I thought it would be. Again I expected something different. And maybe it is there... maybe. This evening I went out with a friend from back in the day. We had a good time. We laughed and I saw some parts of DC that was not cookie cutter and sterile. I thrive for the quirky and colorful parts of any city. Tonight Niles showed me a part that was not that. The one thing DC has over San Fran is that there is a physically large black community. But the one thing that the south and California has over DC is that there is a black community that actually supports it's members. It is really weird. I was talking to my friend (who is black) and her friend over dinner about that and they noticed that when they came here as well. I am going to give myself more time to just wander through the city to get a better feel of it but... it definitely has it's challenges.

I am sorry this sounds so complaining. Again today has been colored. But thank God for Pam, Niles and my cousin... they have definitely given me a good time. Tomorrow after I get done prepping for interviews I will get a chance to get lost in the city. I think once I do that and discover DC on my own I can and will fall in love with it. I think that the loner in me needs to own a city for myself and not through the eyes of another. One good thing happened today. I found my way back to Niles' place on my own and through instinct! Yea!!!!!!

anyways I am going to bed. love you all!