It’s funny. Yesterday morning I was thinking that there is good and redemption in everything. And then yesterday evening I got a chance to see it… a little. A friend of mine had a little too much to drink and she started leaning on me going. “I just don’t know where the boundary is.” And I look at her and go “I understand. I know the boundary and yet I keep on crossing it. If you don’t believe me ask the guy behind me.” and she goes “thank you. from my heart to yours.”
I have never understood the passage in Romans 7 like I do now. ‘The thing I want to do I do not do… the willing is present in me but the doing of good is not.’ This morning I lay in bed talking to God. “God I can’t do it. I keep on trying but I can’t. Will you break things for me? Will you be my strength.” I think I live my life in a lot of in my own strength. I have never needed God to do right, maybe to change my attitude but not to do the ‘right’ thing. That is why the fact that I am not doing what at core I know is right is bothering me. Because, gosh durn it, I should be strong enough. And gosh durn it I am not because my heart is involved. ‘Guard your heart because it is the well spring of life…’
What is the good in this? Humility? Maybe? Compassion and empathy for other? Yeah? Something unknown… yeah… something not seen yet
But this I know, we will move past this. And I will grow, be different, stronger but stronger in that ‘I depend on God for everything sort of way.’ There is something greater and more that will happen. I see the greatness around the corner and I am ready to head there.
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