loose ends...

Ok i am going to try to tie up some loose ends

Stuff with Logos is good... truly and honestly... i realized that i might have left y'all hanging on things there... good conversations have happened. Misunderstanding have happened and then were cleared up. Life is being lived and it is good. Do you like how vague that was... the depths of a real answer would take more time than i could begin to get into... suffice to say that the people that i am in love with are in love with me too. :) What more could a girl want.
So i stepped outside my porch and smelled the rose that had started blooming... my deck probably has too much going on (is it ok if i describe my life with you?). I have three potted rose bushes. Two bushes which are blooming off and on. And the third one i believe has stopped its cycle. The rose bush towards the front is a yellow rose bush. And it just finished growing some lovely large yellow flowers... i think there a few more waiting to come out. one the side of my porch is the other blooming rose bush. It is a lovely pink tint. Lovely dark pink with a sweet scent. It was actually the scent of the rose blossom that has come of age that makes me write of it... the rose smelled so sweet, so, are you ready for the cheese?, heady intoxicating.
hanging from the porch on the roof are two hanging baskets, with small purple and white flowers. And on an old chair is a fern, over growing fern. On Clif's side (yes his side, he gives me free reign with the outside of the house) i have placed a window pane table with white chairs... on my side a grey table with blue chairs.
Anyways it has been a crazy week with good and random stuff happening. I'll work my way back form baby-sitting to the God getting my attention revelation.
Last night i babysat for one of my Professors. She has two lively boys. Dean is 2.5 and Elliot is 1... and they are a mess. Anyways my favorite part of the evening was bed time. I put elliot in his bed and then Dean and i played for a little while. Then it was time to get Dean ready for bed. So Dean choose a book and came and sat in my lap on the rocking chair. And we rocked back and forth, back and forth... we read quite a few stories... and then we just talked. Seriously we talked. "Dean i think you are simply wonderful." "Why?" "Well you helped clean up and you let your brother help make the muffins. You did something for someone else... that is why i think you are wonderful..." and we went down a list of why i think he is wonderful... lists that included that we think of others etc... We rocked back and forth... At this point in the evening he was laying in my lap looking up at me asking me questions, questions with those big blue gray eyes. His head was in the center of the inside of my elbow, leg sprawled across my lap, looking up and asking questions. And Dean and i talked. Finally it was time to turn off the light.
"When you turn off the light will you come and talk to me?" "Yes Dean but only for a little while. Let me check on your brother first ok." "ok" So i checked on elliot, who was protesting sleep, and came back to Dean's room. "Ok only for a little while." "Tell me a story." "Ok once when i was little like you i went to a daycare that had a giant Rocket ship and i climbed all the way to the top. it was so tall..." and then we talked a little more and then i said goodnight.
there is something sweet in a child just laying there talking to you... i had fun cooking with dean, i had fun chasing him and being silly, but my favorite part was just talking with him. Dean likes to talk and have a conversation... a 2year old likes to have conversation. Crazy.
ok to the part of the weekend that is effecting my week.
This Saturday i spent the night with an old friend from college... she has a wonderful lively 1yr old and a pretty cool husband(who was working that week)... Anyways do you know how you have people in your life that are pivotal for the way you see God... well she is that for me. When i moved back to Atlanta there was a group of woman that God used to help me understand that His glory is a very real and practical thing. The catch phrase for everything was "Is 'How is God glorified by this." Jen used to say that she could not wait until the time her husband hurt her so deeply that she forgives him because of her love of God, because of her desire to glorify God.
That is part of the nourishment, fertilizer for my soul that i received at GA State. Anyways sometimes you have to be in the presence of people who were with you way back when to remember who you really are. Well i was driving home on Sunday morning... thinking the whole way of who we were and the questions we asked... and i realized that i had stopped asking that question in the everyday... and as i was driving certain choice i had recently made became really clear. And when i came back to Macon i started making some changes. From little changes of returning some thing i had bought to not reacting in anger to an e-mail i had received... and the only difference was this... I want God to be glorified in what i do. So if i respond in anger how is God glorified? There is so much more...
But my thinking this week has been affected greatly... and i feel parts of the old nnena (nenna) coming back... the nnena that cared more about God's glory than her own way. Wed i was talking with a friend and we got into this conversation about wanting God's glory more... well in the middle of the conversation i realized that i do not have to be a slave to my emotions. He already set me free... and he set me free in the fact that he made me to glorify Him. That is where my freedom is. But this has sparked good God conversations with different people and adjusting of thinking
For example a thought i have not fully formed... If i treat all people all the time as God's creation and especially the people that i am so comfortable around... if i treat them with kindness always, if i am conscious that i am talking to a creation of God a child i will always respect, honor, and love them. And if i remember that my husband is a child of God it is never acceptable to treat him as less than that, i never get so lax, causal, that i do not think of being kind to him.... i always deliberately look t his welfare... ah i don't know if i am getting this across. But I remember that he is my brother in Christ and the same passages that relate to loving one and another and how we should treat each other apply to my treatment of him.
But often we treat outsiders better than those close because we are aware of what God's standard is for us to treat them... but that same standard applies to those that are close. I don't know if i am making sense.
I guess what jumped out at me was the kindness my friend treated her husband with. Do you hear how i am using the words,. Her kindness was deliberate not accidental. Purposely loving and caring for someone... yes forgiving and being gentle because you love them but also for a higher purpose.
Anyways i am still hammering that thought out... i am still thinking about what it means to always be aware of the glory of God and aware of the question "Am i adding anything to it?"
Anyways it is way late here... i must retire.

more might come in other blogs... maybe