Vauge Statements that drive Marianne insane

This next statement is going to drive Marianne insane but I have to say it.
I have been beaten at my own game. And dang it, I like it. :)

In other news today has been a weird anticlimactic day compared to the last few. Wednesday and Thursday I had some awesome conversations. I was also challenged by the blog of a young lady that I am getting to know. Anyways from reading the blog and my day of chilling in God I had some cool break throughs. First off you know that I have wanted to be of use. I have felt stagnant. Well I prayed about finding/being a person of peace. Who does God want me to get involved with and go deeper? Sometimes when you pray situations that were right in front of you open up. (lets try most times) So long story short I would love prayers for some of the people God is placing in my life. One of the girls and I had a great conversation about social responsibility (I only use that word because it condenses a lot of what we talked about). We had a good conversation and I think we were both encouraged. As I was talking to her I realized how long it had been since I had heard someone talk about all roads leading to God (pluralism). Pray for wisdom and just boldness. I am excited about our relationship.

Some of the other stuff I will have to send y’all in a personal e-mail. But the sum total of the ‘ah ha’ moment that I had is this. Spiritual warfare is real. I tend to keep spiritual warfare in one box. The box of when I walk into a place and I can tell that the air is heavy or when I can sense something is up. But sometimes spiritual warfare is more subtle than that… ok I am learning that most of the time it is more subtle than that. A comment that Letoyia made to me a while ago about another situation came crystal clear this week. She went “Nnena you do realize that you are being attacked. You are never tempted by something that is not appealing.” I brushed that off at the time. But Weds I realized that she was right. Wed night was a time of intense struggle and it clicked “Nnena you are under attack.” So instead of brushing that knowledge off I prayed and prayed and fought. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual…”

It is easy to forget it. It is easy to get wrapped up in what you see and not realize the spiritual import of what is going on.

Daf and I talked about that for a while and she said a comment that was so true. “The worse part about war is that there are casualties. It is never a clean process.” She is so right. There are people who get caught in the battle that is going on.

So it has been a cool week of some good conversations and events.

In other news I and a friend finally talked about the big white elephant in the room. Last night before I hung out with my friend I ran through different scenories for telling her that I knew she and my other female friend were dating. But I didn’t have to because things just naturally came up. Why is it a big fat elephant? Well we were both part of the same church… same bible study… same community. I’ve known for a while but it has been one of those situations where everyone just pretended that nothing was going on. No one directly addressed it. The two times that we had planned to get together (and talk about it) major things happened. The first time she was hit by a car. No joke. We planned to meet. I had been praying about talking to her and I got a message from her saying she had just been hit and could I come to the scene of the accident. The second time she was rushed to the hospital for a burst cyst. Timing…. Not so great… and after that things were left unsaid. We had a good breakfast and we talked and talked and talked. And I thanked her for sharing with me what was going on in her life… in a real way.

It’s funny stuff with xak has opened so many doors with so many people that I know. It reminds me of a statement that Marianne made to me after I acted a monkey in Houston. She looked at me and said “You are human.” I guess that is some of the effect that is going on with some of my friends. I get it. I understand so much more. I am not standing to the side judging them saying “I can’t believe you did that.” Because odds are they can’t believe they did it to. Doug says to me constantly that post xak I am more wrapped around the gospel than I was before. I guess I get it that none of us are worthy and all of us need grace. And save for God we would all make the same missteps (missing the mark, sinning) as the other person.

Yeah again I am thankful for the last year. I pray that I never forget all that I learned. I pray that I understand my need of God. I pray that I understand that life is not about what you do not do but who you are in Christ. I pray that I remember to not sweat the small stuff. I pray that I will always be able to connect with people in any situation they are in. I pray that I care about people so much more than stuff. There is so much that I learned. I used to tell my guy friends that if I am any sort of decent spouse it is because of the work they have done. I change that slightly, if I am of any use to the kingdom it is directly because of God using them to shape me, molding me with my girlfriends and family and being tamed and made more humble and gentle through xak. I can only imagine what more He is going to do through the other people I meet.

I pray for a life that is messy and full of grace.