Lucky too long

It was bound to happen someday. I had gone most of my 30 something odd life without having a man yell at me in a business meeting. I, all of a sudden, understood what so many women had told me...I felt it. I felt made small, petty, unimportant and unheard. He yelled at me...all because I wanted clarity. But the professional world being what it is I have to see him again and continue working with him. Right now I am at a loss of what to do--a huge loss. I need to pray and think and work through it all.

There is a power difference that comes out between men and women when situations become tense. Some women scream, I will own it. But there is a difference when a man raises his voice to a woman. There is a difference when he switches into the role of, "Woman fall in life with what I say, I will raise my voice." There is a difference when he raises his voice with you and not the other men in the meeting. It is worse when the other men in the meeting back him up in the spirit of his behavior.

I live in a man's world. And for most of my life I have been blessed and never had to deal with a situation like this. I have had to deal with some sticky situation, helping men see boundaries, helping them see me as a peer and not someone to date. But for the most part I had been lucky. My luck ran out today.

The worst part is I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I didn't yell back, that I pulled back, that I was not equally as strong. Honestly that is what bothers me the most. I view myself as a strong woman but this shook me. I wasn't strong in that moment.

I have to sit and process this and figure out 1) What I am going to do? 2) How I am going to handle this in future? Because the reality is is that this will not be a one time occurrence. If it is not with him it will be with someone else. How do I navigate that weird power struggle? I don't know.

Prayers are appreciated.