so i am forcing myself to write a blog... truth be told i have a lot of thoughts running through my mind... thoughts about the church, about life, about growing, about everything.

here are some random thoughts running through my head

It is the little things that make you realize how much you are like your mother. Take for instance this week. I happened to wander through home depot... i was just going to look at some tile... well three rose bushes, a bunch of herb, and some veggies later i left home depot. I could not help it... i walk though the garden area to get into home depot... and i stopped and smelled a rose bush. Did i ever tell you how much i love roses... well i do... i smelled it and (hum what words to use from the English language to describe how i felt)... i just breathed it in and it was intoxicating (such an over used word). It filled me. Augh i don't have the words. (maybe the word is sensual) But regardless it smelled wonderful, oh so wonderful. Well i decided to buy just one rose bush and a few other things... well as you already know i left with so much more.

how does that make me like my mother. Well Last sunday mommy and i were talking about how she could not give up her garden. We grew up with a garden... and i remember my parents outside tilling the soil and playing with the garden. Well i have realized that the only reason why my father was working in the garden is because he loves my mother. And my mother loves to garden. And i realized that as i left home depot that i could try to fit the urge but i am a lot like my mother.

Actually a few weeks ago i called her (my mother) to tell her how much i appreciated all she did for my 29th b-day. We (she) cooked. And when my friends asked her to dance she did, by her self not caring if anyone was watching. I love that about my mother. I love that she finds adventures n the little things, the everyday things. She was the one who taught us how to have fun no matter what. My mother is the one who loves exploring Atlanta, staring at the red moon and dancing at Thanksgiving dinners. She's a pretty neat woman.

What else is flowing around my head... well lots of thoughts about church and what it should be and who i should be. I have had lots of thoughts about legalism and also just life in general. Most recent thought deals with my eldest son(prodigal son) tendencies.
"The gospel is offensive to those of us who have lived the spiritual 'right' lives. Because the gospel says that the jonnie-come-lately, the prodigal sons have access to the same grace that we have. We don't understand it. It offends us. And in our little ways we block entrance to God until they have met the check list we have for them. Then it is fair for them to receive grace."

The thing that i have been struggling with is a understanding grace... this past year at law school has thought me a lot about how the world views us christains... how they feel condemn and judged by us... and how we are the last people they expect to receive grace from. And honestly at times we are the last people to give grace. Anyways i have struggled with the fact that the sinner approached and at times even sough out jesus... why can't the same thing be said about his followers? At no time did he just say that sin was ok... but people were drawn to him... i hear all the time the statement that people feel convicted by the light thats why they can't be around christians.. um well my question still remains "then why could they be around Christ."

Anyways i have been tilling this around in my head for a while. My fear and the thing that i look at myself (for this year at least) is where am i putting up barriers to someone hear Christ. Where am i condemning? Where am i being judgmental? Where am i becoming legalistic. When am i becoming intolerant of the different ways God is using people? Do i think that i have arrived and that i have figured it out? Because when i think like that i stand in great danger of creating rules and standards for other people that might not be what God is calling them to...

Anyways, thank you Karen for getting me back to my blog...